fresh.

so. for the new school year... why not start a new blog? i needed fresh. i needed... well something.

meet me here.

strong woman.

school is out for the summer. (ie my last paper for summer sessions has been completed and turned in). now work and line camp can proceed to take up my life. and of course the complete redecoration of my soon to be cute lil apartment. i am so ready for this.

but the absence of school work creates time. and thus conversations with friends can actually occur. and one in particular has just continually been on my mind since it took place... one of my guy friends here in good ole waco told me that i probably don't have much hope at finding any guys here in texas. due to the fact that they're all looking for "trophy wives." a woman who will just go along with whatever they say. cook. clean. be submissive (in all aspects of life). and that is not the woman i am, nor the woman i desire to be.

yes, i can be that woman. i can cook. i can clean. i can be there to play the role of traditional woman. but i have a mind. and i want to be with someone who can respect my thoughts. my inspirations. my life.

maybe i am intimidating to guys around here. but maybe that's because they've never been challenged by a woman who knows (for the most part) what she is talking about. maybe they don't understand that challenge is what keeps things interesting. challenge allows for growth. for development.

i have dreams. and i believe that those dreams will come true in time. but when i do find someone to settle down with. i want him to respect me for more than what i look like. i want our relationship to be one of give and take. not of serve and be served.

(but that's just me).

for now, i'm going to put this all behind me and take it as a sign that texas is not the place for me to live life. (and i'm perfectly okay with that).

at least i rocked the sake bombs last night...

the movement.

once again i find myself sitting in the library working on a paper. this time at a loss for thoughts. a loss for words. and i'm truly excited about this research paper... the jesus people movement of the 60's and 70's. love it. interesting. enticing. spicy.

but my concentration level is nil. all i can think of is my mother... that she just can't take too much more of this. and i wonder what god is trying to do. what his plans are for this. (because he has a plan, he just has to). but this has already been such a tough few months. why put her even through the thought, the tests... for cancer?

and i have no clue where this will lead. no clue at all. but knowing that my mom is at home. sifting through my pink legos from days gone by trying to find any way to take her mind off of the reality that she is going in for tests... tomorrow. it makes me ache.

all i can do is continually tell myself to hold the tears back. (i am sitting at a table in the library after all... "writing" a paper). and pray. and pray. and not think. or pretend to not think.

line camp. must put on a happy face for everyone. so here goes it...

it just so happens...

one more thing to check off my apartment list... a couch. i bought one. on the fourth of july. if i can't be with my family i might as well spend lots of money... right? it's pretty. and it will be here in two weeks. and i can't wait.

and my mom will be here on thursday night with my table and it will look gorgeous with my new couch. a trip to ikea this next weekend for a few essentials shall make it all complete (basically i'm getting extremely excited about making my apartment a place i can call my own). right now i'm thinking either magenta or a turquoisey-blue for the "pop" color. but no decision as of yet. (although i need to decide asap since i need to paint a few things...).

back to the fourth though. those of us who were cool enough to stay around waco for the holiday grabbed some subway and headed out to lake waco for a picnic and a few games of "bags" (washers with beanbags). thankfully j. had some sweet glasses that helped make the day complete.

although we didn't set off any of our own fireworks (i think that's a first for me)... we did enjoy ourselves in downtown waco. saw one too many gentlemen in cut-off jean shorts. and one too many women who should never have been allowed out of the house. all in all. an entertaining evening. capped off with numerous rounds of "i kissed a girl" to the chagrin of the gentlemen in the front seat...

i was supposed to work on oodles of school work this weekend. but i still haven't done that. instead, saturday c. and i decided to hop in the trusty red jeep and flip a quarter... heads equaled left... tails equaled right. and we drove. for hours. 175 miles. highway. gravel roads. bridges that were nothing more than boards... and we sang. and we danced. and we lived.

and then we watched the ufc fight. blood. wings. and friends. what more could a person ask for to end out the weekend? right...

things i learned on a saturday morning.

welcome to grad school in the summer. classes on friday night from 6-10pm and then all day saturday.

8am on a ropes course in central texas... i learned:

i can walk across a log as it is swinging beneath me.

the sun is hot. the shade is cool.

willow in the wind has multiple meanings.

being blindfolded never looks stylish (and often results in men being punched in odd places and women being felt up).

to volunteer to be the "turtle" is a daring feat.

balancing 15 people on a 6' platform without it's sides touching the ground is incredibly difficult.

and...

i am not good at "stiff as a board" in the game of trust falls... which results in myself screaming as i curl in a ball mid-fall.

all in all. a relatively interesting morning. better than i thought it could be. (better than most of us thought it could be). lunch was much deserved and greatly needed by the time it arrived. i must say i am glad that we only have 3 hours left of weekend classes though... tend to cut into "my time."