once again i find myself sitting in the library working on a paper. this time at a loss for thoughts. a loss for words. and i'm truly excited about this research paper... the jesus people movement of the 60's and 70's. love it. interesting. enticing. spicy.
but my concentration level is nil. all i can think of is my mother... that she just can't take too much more of this. and i wonder what god is trying to do. what his plans are for this. (because he has a plan, he just has to). but this has already been such a tough few months. why put her even through the thought, the tests... for cancer?
and i have no clue where this will lead. no clue at all. but knowing that my mom is at home. sifting through my pink legos from days gone by trying to find any way to take her mind off of the reality that she is going in for tests... tomorrow. it makes me ache.
all i can do is continually tell myself to hold the tears back. (i am sitting at a table in the library after all... "writing" a paper). and pray. and pray. and not think. or pretend to not think.
line camp. must put on a happy face for everyone. so here goes it...
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