happy face.

i try and make myself think i'm okay with life. that i'm okay with where i am. with what god has planned. and i really am trying to trust that.

but let's be honest. sometimes it's hard to really believe that. sometimes it's hard to not be hardened by life. by friends. by love. by loss.

i want a shoulder to cry on. i want a hug. i want someone to see me. the real me. and want to know that me.

i'm tired. truly tired. of pretending i'm okay. of pretending that i love life... and besides being tired. i think that i need someone to see the real me. i think i'm losing it. allowing myself to slowly be taken over without reprecussion.

i can put on the happy face. i can play that game (we all know how wonderful i am at it). but, it's old. and i'm old. and i'm worn out. and i need some connection in my life.

or it's going to be a long year for a few people...