i'm not good at holidays away from the family. and since my aunt passed away over spring break it's only been multiplied. (especially for the summer holidays which she loved so much).
i should just be getting home from a nights worth of fireworks... set off by yours truly (and of course all the boys who love fire so dearly) at my aunt's house. she would have made oodles of wonderful food. have good drinks out. the scent of bug spray and beer would fill the air. and it would be summer.
but i'm sitting in my bed. and my friends have all got their lives. or punked out. and i'm in texas. and all i want is to be in missouri. with my family.
where tomorrow they'll be out on the lake. another of my aunt's favorite places. sitting back and relaxing on a raft. beer in hand. chips and salsa. salads. my daddy's bbq. the freighter fireworks that dad would set off on the lake. and of course, the water balloons that always appear out of nowhere.
and then off to the columbia fireworks display. it may not be amazing... but it's tradition. and it's fun. and it's gorgeous. (and it's set to music... what more could you ask for?).
i want to be there. i want to be with my family. i want to not be in tears anymore. i want to not miss her so much. i want to not be alone. here. in texas.
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