packing for my morning "commute."

tomorrow morning i head back to texas. hopefully i'll start around seven, therefore arriving around seven in the evening (depending on traffic). but you simply never know with weekend drivers.

as i squeeze the ridiculous amount of things i brought back to missouri with me into various bags around the house my mind keeps thinking back on the past week and a half that i've been "home." the days have been relaxing, the nights as well. and my accomplishments are null. (well depending on who you ask). and i'm completely okay with that. yes, i cleaned the kitchen everyday and read numerous delicious books (for fun). i hung out with the family and a few select friends... but i also kept to myself for the most part. and i know a few people who are probably hurt right now. not to let that get me down, i'm telling my inner self that i've turned over a new leaf. i'm making myself happy in life. i'm taking time for myself. and i'm not doing things just because other people want me to. (hope that doesn't come off as selfish... because truly, it's not supposed to).

and when it comes to gentlemen in my life, i'm really not going to let them make me feel bad for not spending time with them. if i don't see it going anywhere, and they're not making any effort (especially when i'm states away), then it's not worth my time or energy to feel bad when i'm actually in town.

yes, a rant. my apologies. but the packing led to thinking led to the rant.

but the art show fish need to be fed, ie... i must run to the pet store to find them tropical fish food (my one official task of the day besides showing up at the ribbon cutting ceremony for the brand spankin' new shiloh in downtown columbia).

pressure.

so with the knowledge that my mother has a defined amount of years left to live, the pressure mounts each day. i keep hearing the pleas of marriage and desire for grandchildren from her lips. and i understand where it comes from, but i don't know what to do with it.

this weekend she looked at me and told me to just adopt a child to come play with all of her toys... and when she realized that was not the most realistic concept, she suggested i run off and get married and have children right away. (thanks mom). i'll get right on that...

(you know, all of those men i have lined up out back waiting to marry me, yeah right).

p.s. i love you, now that's an interesting movie. and i come to that from the marriage and children concept. but k.smith and i decided to spend our wednesday evening on the couch curled up with the chic flick. unfortunatly, we are both jaded individuals and therefore found the movie to be utterly ridiculous and unrealistic. (at least we weren't watching it with girly girls who love love).

we also ventured back to our childhood yesterday with a return to fern gully. a good movie overall, but we realized what went wrong in our lives... they're not like the fairy tales all say they're going to be. you don't always get what you want. positive of fern gully though: the teaching about saving the rainforest. kids these days need something like that (but maybe about saving oil).